nostalgia and “misplacedness”

There is nothing wrong with being lost in unfamiliar places, where you do not know the streets nor people. It is much worse to stand in the muddle of your own town and feel misplaced.

It has been more than 2 weeks now since I came back to my home town in Lithuania and I have never felt so disconnected… I recognize the buildings and old streets. I remember my route to school and all the hidden gems. Yet the life has moved on, the people have changed and my friends have left the city like me… I feel nostalgic while standing in the town centre for my past and the good ol’ days that will never come back.

The feeling of nostalgia, however, does not frightened me. I am much more scared of being out place. And, oh, I am so out-of-place. What ones was my community, now stares at me as if I am a foreigner. No person smiles nor greets me, just judges for… something… Maybe my skirt is too shirt, my lipstick too bright, or I am just too chubby.

In my perfect memories the city was much brighter and accepting.  I will stay in my nostalgic thoughts then and when I leave the town once again I will promise to miss it, for the sake of old times.


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